I'm out there

And if you'd rather stay in at night
I can relate to that
And if it feels like your heart's dried up
I can relate to that
And if you need someone at your side
I am out there, I'm out there


I've been listening to nightmare of you. they're pretty good. The kind of songs I wished to write before..
It's been a really boring weekend. with my mac down since wed, after coming back from camp.


Yes I crashed sim's windsurfing orientation camp and had a lot of fun. In the process met a handful of nice people. and it's all good.. I feel like I'll be able to go for my own school's orientation with a good vibe. we're the 1st batch thou, don't know what to expect..


The more I sit here and think, I begin to wonder if I've lost my interest in writing, blogging, song writing. That little voice inside my head no longer resonates as loudly as it used to be. could it be that it has started to grow outward and beyond me. I mean people change. I certainly have, I'm not sure how, but it slowly creeps into you.


maybe this is me preparing for yet another phase of life. or maybe this is me coming out of the cold. for it does feel like i've been in the cold for awhile.


I wouldn't say that after all I've been through nothing fazes me.. but perhaps I'm not as afraid as falling anymore.

dying out

I noticed that I haven't been blogging a lot lately. In fact the more free time I have the less likely' I'll blog. and it's probably because in my free time I do nothing. Nothing so there is nothing to blog. about. Or it could be that finally since ord, my full time of ns served has drained everything of me. I am a unit now, and I let the thoughts and actions of our society today control me. and society today says blogs are out, so yeah bet no one's reading anyways.


So what have I been up to lately ? well if you haven't met me for years then yes I can tell you lots of things. But if you've only recently asked me that question and I obligingly answered. well try again a couple of months later. Same old same old.


Of course its not that I haven't done anything new at all. Would you be interested to know that I recently leveled my world of warcraft character ? or that I bought a new pair of slippers that looks a lot like the old one. 


I think I used to be the new thing guy. I'd say hey lets go to this new place, lets try this new thing, lets put this new thing in our mouths. I just lost it somewhere. Now I just wish someone would be my new thing buddy. and convince me to get my feet off the ground and try something new. 

and sometimes

I like stay up late because I don't want the day to end.


This happens on 2 occasions, when I've had a lot of fun and I don't want it to end, or I haven't had any fun at all and don't want the day to end like this. I went to camp today, finished most of my clearance and accomplished nothing. So you can probably guess why of the 2 occasions I'm staying up for. (there's also a 3rd reason, ie; world cup; special occasions, but it's not about that today)


and so I wait all night for a feeling to come. maybe I'll strum some tunes, maybe I'll level a character. but eventually I know that nothing will be accomplished. cause well, it's another wasted day. welcome to the club 05/07/10. another wasted day closer to a wasted life.


I live to live. basically thats it. I think hey I'm gonna do that, and I do it. Hey I'm gonna watch an ep of cougar town, and I'll do it later. I've seemed to lost something ..


something youthful, the joy of innocence and ignorance.


Sometimes, I wish I could just take it all back.

Sometimes

I promised myself that I'd be meaner, cuz I'm too nice..or too soft sometimes..
and what better way then to say this. I'm too nice, yo people shoulda appreciate if not, mean mark will beet you on the head with a stick.


Especially if ya threaten me . I don't like being threatened, or cornered. It makes me think of evil genius ways to get back at ya.. which only works if I remain mean and not get soft and forgive you.


So sometimes..